Apologize
by Skylark Evanson
Summary: Wally's face is taking up her vision, his red hair, his green eyes, traits she wishes their kids would have... traits this kid might have...


**A/N: Okay, this one-shot is Artemis-centric, has deep Spitfire roots, and contains triggers. I highly recommend that you stop when you feel uncomfortable, but please do leave a review and tell me how far you went or when you stopped.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice.  
****Warning: Triggers.**

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_Apologize_

She holds it between two fingers, staring at the little piece of white plastic that can change her life. Artemis, for a long moment, just stares as she hears Kaldur'ahm shuffling outside the door, keeping watch while she takes the test. He doesn't actually know what's going on, just that she asked him to stand guard. She's grateful for his loyalty.

And after what feels like a lifetime, she sees that positive symbol tell her that something is in there, something that isn't her and yet is a part of her. And it's part of Wally, too.

Her fist clenches, and the test is snapped, shattered pieces on the cold, hard ground of the tiny space. Because now, everything is different; she's making decisions for more than just herself. This is another life, not to mention Wally...

Wally. Recently, the mere thought of him has brought her to her knees with heartache. She misses him more than she ever thought possible. Artemis always figured she could manage without him because, Hell, she managed to take care of herself as a kid. But just the human touch of having Wally so near, his lips on hers, his hands roaming her form, whispering loving things in her ear... Now that she's used to human contact and trust once again, she's reluctant to surrender it, especially when it's so tender and kind...

Then again, that trust has put her in this awful position, a choice of life and death. There were too many factors to just let her heart lead her into this one. Artemis is too headstrong, after all, to let such a small thing as her heart make any choice on a mission.

Choice one was to keep it, him, her. The thought of another life makes her stomach churn and she almost keels over the toilet but bites it back and swallows the bile building in her throat.

The first factor of that is most definitely Wally, her love, her whole world, everything she could want from here until her dying breath. He would be nothing less than _ecstatic_. He's pushing for a big family, already making a book and everything even though they were barely scraping through college. Starting now isn't ideal for her, but any time is good for him. He's ready, and he wants it so badly.

But on the same side of that coin, he knows that she isn't ready, and since she would be the one to carry it around for nine months, he abides by her rules and remembers protection each and every single time. Because he loves and respects her too much to have her make such an impossible choice.

The fact that he does use protection in ordinance to her rules makes her wonder why this is a problem in the first place...

But then there's Nightwing and the mission. Because she wouldn't have to make any kind of choice if she weren't undercover. It can be simple. She can go back to Wally and start some semblance of a happily ever after. He would be so _thrilled_... She pushes that to the back of her mind.

Duty has to come before family, and it's something she knows all too well. Her father. Jade. When it came down to her team or her family, the team was the immediate option. If her mother was in the running, then it changed, but here, now, she had her own family to think about. Not her mother, not her father, and certainly not Jade; just her and Wally and the little life inside of her...

She smothers the thought, drowning it quickly. There can't be an attachment when her heart and mind reach a verdict. And really, she never dreamed of this day, how did it- why did it- Artemis feels the urge to write a strongly worded letter to the condom company. Really.

Nightwing needs her on assignment. Because this is the world at stake here. Kaldur's been on mission this long just to gain prestige amongst Black Manta's men, and if they had to give up the mission just because she and Wally had fucked (up), well, she'd definitely be disappointed in herself. She doesn't want to live with that guilt, not when the world is on their shoulders. It took so long to get here...

And no one else could do it even if she were to pull out. Artemis knows every villain like an aunt or uncle from her childhood in the same manner that Nightwing can interact with any League member almost adoringly without it being perceived as strange. Artemis knows Bane personally. The Joker used to come to poker nights when he wasn't in Arkham. And Deathstroke was one of her father's best friends! She knows things that not even the Justice League has on record.

Not to mention no one else could pull off the lifestyle. She puts in hours of physical training each day, which she now worries could have hurt this life- (stop, Artemis)- and she manages to put evil thoughts into the cauldron for Black Manta. He even finds her scheming "valuable". She's not sure whether she's happy about it or not.

But now there's a complication, a wrench thrown into the equation. There's this- this living thing inside of her, something she wants to keep for Wally's sake but can't bring herself to do because of Nightwing.

Oh, and the Hell she would catch if she came back now. Everyone would accuse Nightwing, there would be a fight over trust and loyalties just as there had been five years ago. All of their hard work in order to build the team would collapse upon them, the crumpling infrastructure of a burning building. Nightwing wouldn't be able to keep control, and with twenty less-than-trustworthy and certainly unruly kids, he wouldn't be able to keep hold of the reins.

Artemis isn't stupid. She knows there's no real option.

Yet it makes her sick, thinking of what she'll have to do. There's a child inside of her, small and helpless. It's hers. And Wally's. It will have a voice someday, thoughts, hopes, dreams... Artemis puts a hand on her stomach to feel where it would be. Nausea sweeps through her at the implications that this life is one she can keep or kill. It can't fight back, can't plea for help, but can only rely on a mother's love to keep it safe...

She wants to cry; it reminds her of her own childhood. Artemis couldn't make a single decision, couldn't speak up, had no protective mother. Is that what she's become? A monster ready to kill her own child?

No, she knows there's so much more to it than that. The fate of the world. Her own life. If she went back to Wally with so much as a scratch on her, it would be certain death to whoever wrought such a mark on her skin. She can't risk pretending it's Kaldur's and hope that his father buys it if the baby turns out to have red hair.

Baby. She's pretty sure she's going to be sick and hangs over the toilet's open seat longer than usual, hoping that it'll pass. Wally... Everything keeps tracing back to her visions of his disappointed face and the heartbreak in his eyes, neither of which does she want to ever bear witness to...

She could always go to Zatanna and hope that maybe her best friend could sort things out. Nightwing would have to take her, but then he would know and immediately pull her off the mission: he knows the strain he's putting on Wally and wouldn't be able to deprive him of his unborn child...

No. She can't get Nightwing involved; he's got enough on his plate. Artemis can't tell him anything. He'd pull her off the mission, put the world at stake, make her go back to Wally...

She wants to go back to Wally. She craves his touch, his love, his kisses. Artemis has gone far too long without seeing him. At night, she's cried in longing, tired of the empty bed she lays in. She'd give anything to have him there, to be able to count his freckles, to tell him how much she loves him...

Wally would be so _happy_...

Artemis doesn't want to hurt him, doesn't want to hurt it. This family, she realizes, is something she wants. It'll mean that this life is permanent, that Wally will be there to stay. She won't be alone again, can't be. Artemis knows that she has complete control of this new life and that she wants to keep it.

This time, she does puke. It's not seasickness, not morning sickness. It's just the disgust of knowing what she has to do.

"Tigress," comes Kaldur'ahm's voice from the doorway, "are you alright?"

Her voice is shaky and weak. One hand still rests on her stomach. "I'm fine."

Knowing he won't ask again, Artemis pushes herself to her feet and quietly waits for it all to pass. The pain, the anguish, the heartache. She wants this. Her first chance for a family and she must kill it. Wally can't know, shouldn't know. He'd be crushed. Nightwing can't know either. The guilt would kill him. Kaldur might tell, so she'll have to find the funds herself, have to take herself to the surface and get it taken care of. Artemis is on her own with this suffering, unable to speak to anyone, unable to cope.

One hand is pressed to the wall, her forehead and nose touching the same smooth metal. Wally's face is taking up her vision, his red hair, his green eyes, traits she wishes their kids would have... traits this kid might have...

"Babe, I'm so sorry..."

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**A/N: Please leave a review. Thank you for reading.**

**~Sky**


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